1. |
cyclical patterns
03:34
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these things always take forever to suss out
and i don't know how much longer i'll be around
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2. |
sixteen (ft. erin lenau)
05:55
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all of our dreams
they die so hard
no hope in letting go
after they're gone
we carry on
still weighed down by their ghosts
listless and numb
still staggering
working hard to forget
making the best
of what we own
swallowing grief and regret
when i was sixteen
i dreamt the perfect love
just enough to get me through
thirteen years on
i'm not so sure
that dream will ever come true
how long must i keep holding out for you?
most days
it's hard enough just to say,
"it will all be alright"
ten years of loss
ten years of drink
no grace and no respite
hard hearted
vacant and worn
ever changing mental state
but if you promise
you're coming soon
i will do my best to wait
when i was sixteen
i dreamt the perfect love
just enough to get me through
but thirteen years on
and i'm not so sure
that dream will ever come true
oh i swear that i will keep hanging on for you
your pallid white skin
and the warm lamp light
your pine pitch hair
on some balmy night
the empty hours
of the wasted days
your mother's wet hands
and her fading grace
still making eyes
from across the room
a child's knee
an open wound
my fucked up head
your cool nurse's touch
my tired sullen ways
you say i think too much
oh i am waiting here for you
the grocery stores
lit by fluorescent lights
your disarming smile
wins the little fights
i hold onto my grief
will never let it go
i need to feel awful
so i can be whole
oh i am waiting here for you
making bright white love
fucking endlessly
your fragile cries
hang like smoke in the trees
i hardly talk
but you always know what i mean
when i'm driving silent
that's my father in me
oh i am waiting here for you
i keep my mistakes
on my nightstand
grip them everyday
like stones in my hand
i'd carve your name
right into my face
your fervid body
hung with lace
oh i am waiting here for you
i could float here forever
just us in this space
no doubt and no worry
held buoyant in grace
your voice is a cello
carrying me to bed
a calm and cool drone
stops all the fuck in my head
oh i am waiting here for you
the cool air from the waves
you brush the hair from your eye
the peak of my existence
after this i can die
our daughter's feet
my mother's care
an open casket funeral
read as a deity's dare
oh i am waiting here for you
there is no way
this won't end in pain
and i know that when it does
i will be to blame
i will be to blame
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3. |
lullabye
03:39
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oh how great it is to see you
and to feel that sea between us
oh i know everything about you
yet we don't ever speak
i wish there was another way
but i'm not about to bridge that gap
i know it wouldn't be right
bet you would take it the wrong way
so i guess it should just stay like this
maybe someday we will talk again
but til then i will fuck off
i don't expect any grace from you
just know i'll never blame you
and i will always have love for you
you never deserved to endure
all the things i did and said to you
there's nothing i could say
and nothing i could do
that would undo the pain
while honoring the truth
with the perspective i have gained
i still don't have a clue
why you stuck it out so long
given how i treated you
i won't ask you to forget
i won't ask you to forgive
i'll remain unabsolved
as long as we both shall live
doesn't make me a martyr
doesn't make me a fucking saint
i'm sorry for all i've done
and i've done hard work to change
oh but i
i still miss you
and i dream about you all the time
and i just don't know what to do
i know it has to stay like this
and i don't want you back
so here i'll stand
a rehabilitated criminal
heartbroken cheerleader
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4. |
some little thing
06:23
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5. |
fantasy
05:07
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it always seems to rain down on you
(let it rain on you)
a life of cruelty and unjust abuse
(unjust abuse)
well, i've prepared this safe space for you
(a safe space for you)
and when you hurt, i can feel it too
(i can feel it too)
it doesn't matter what you do, i will never abandon you
i can harbor no contempt for you
(no contempt for you)
i want to make love to all of you
(to all of you)
i see my children safe and sound in you
(safe and sound in you)
i want to make all of your dreams come true
(all your dreams come true)
it doesn't matter what you do, i will never abandon you
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opulent ardor Grand Rapids, Michigan
Empty salons. Corridors. Salons. Doors. Doors. Salons. Empty chairs, deep armchairs, thick carpets. Heavy hangings. Stairs, steps. Steps, one after the other. Glass objects, objects still intact, empty glasses. A glass that falls, three, two, one, zero. Glass partition, letters. ... more
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